Two weeks later.

I’ve been living on a completely different side of the country for about two weeks now. People keep asking me how it feels, to which I just keep smiling and saying, “It’s good! It’s cool…different.” Like, what are you supposed to say without going into the long diatribe of how, at first, you were really scared, but now you really enjoy it and like the weather, the people, and the fact that you haven’t had to go through sixteen consecutive days of weather temps in the 100s? Keep it short, simple, & truthful, right? Right.

This week, I started working for my dad’s office. I had mixed emotions about it at first; Would I know what to do? Would I like it? Would it severely cut into the time needed to look for a full time job while also working on my summer base tan so that I don’t burn like a lobster this summer? To answer those questions:

  1. Not at first, but I got used to it.
  2. Yes, a lot more than I thought I would.
  3. Psh–NO.

It’s been really nice to get my feet wet somewhere where I know some people (i.e. my dad).

Also, I’d like to take a quick moment to RE-RE-RE-state how crappy job hunting is. Remember back when the economy was good and people were successful at getting jobs because companies were actually willing to hire people? More importantly–do you remember when we were young and couldn’t care less about finding a job, buying a car, and/or paying off student loans? All we wanted to do was be ballerinas and astronauts because that was enough.

Just missing being 5 again lately.

As of tomorrow, I’ll have been a college graduate for exactly one month.

Things that have changed in my life:

  • place of residency
  • number of friends (it’s really interesting how many people don’t want to keep up with your life after you don’t see them everyday. Cool, guys.)
  • hair color
  • skin color (I finally have a tan because I’m not being forced to stay inside and study. Hallelujah!)
  • perspective on life/people/etc.

Things that have not changed:

  • the amount of tv I’ve been watching
  • the number of jobs I’ve applied for (can someone please just hire me, already? In the past 15 minutes, I’ve applied to 15 jobs just¬†on the Living Social website ūüėź )
  • the fact that I still don’t have a job

I leave Oklahoma in 3 days.

  • This last Wednesday, I packed all of the things I knew I’d,¬†technically, need¬†into four boxes and shipped them all to my new home in Delaware. I don’t think I actually realized what I was doing until I got back home and all of my things were gone and I was left standing in an empty room thinking, “LOL WAIT. WHAT JUST HAPPENED?”
  • I sometimes wonder if my dad reads this & questions whether or not I want to move there. Daddy, if you’re reading this–I do. I really really really do. It’s just taking me a while to cope with starting new. But I’m so excited about spending so much time with you. Let’s play lots of Mario Kart. I’ll let you win sometimes, I promise.
  • Is there anything worse than getting guilt tripped by someone in your family? I’m going to go out on a limb and say no, only because I can’t think of anything worse than being forced to feel like you’ve done something wrong when, in reality, the entire situation was out of your control and you couldn’t give two shits about dry sinks and/or antique furniture.
  • Hey people of high school, you’re doing the internet wrong and I don’t care about the fact that you want to take your baby (yes, your actual child) out to the club with you or that you drank a Diet Coke today and life is just so swell. Trust me–I really don’t care. In fact, I don’t care so much, I’ve just taken you off of my friends list because you’re the most boring people alive and I don’t even use Facebook enough to think of you as anything more than an idiot.
  • Being a college graduate &, therefore, unemployed has allowed me to watch a lot of televeision and movies that I normally wouldn’t have time for.
  • That being said, why does AMC insist on running only¬†Jurassic Park 2?? 1 & 3 are obviously¬†far superior as they have most the OG cast in it. Plus, you can’t fool me into thinking that someone actually slept with Jeff Goldblum. HE WEARS TRANSITION LENSES, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
  • I haven’t been to the gym in 4 days, but I feel like this is okay because today I went to the lake and swam a lot. [This activity was then ruined by eating a ginormous Longhorn burger & fries at Meer’s. I’m not even sorry about it; it was delicious.]
  • When Army guys like me and hit on me at the lake, I get uncomfortable because I feel like they’ll hit on just about anyone. Sorry, bros. I’m not interested.
  • I got feather hair extensions¬†with my friend Megan & now I feel like a classier version of Ke$ha. Kind of. I also learned you can only take said extensions out with needle nose pliers. So..that’s…cool.
  • This totally wise chick Molls wrote once that “Real friends are the ones that attempt to pull you out of anger and bitterness, not keep you in it so you can be uglier and sadder than them.¬†Seems like that would be obvious, but it also seems like it may not be.” She’s just so right.
  • This list of bullets is too long.
  • See you in 3 days, east coast. Sayonara, midwest.

Summertime Jamz

I’ll be smuggling my brother’s beagle onto the airplane because I’m going to miss him too much.

“Life After College” & what it really means to let yourself go for a week.

About a week ago (las Saturday, if we’re going to get specific and start naming dates), I finally graduated college! I only use the word “finally” because, let’s be honest, it felt like I was there for a decade instead of a mere four years (don’t mention that to my mother–she goes into this long¬†diatribe¬†of a story about how it feels¬†like just yesterday. It kind of does, but that’s contradictory to what I just said. So shut up). I don’t think the fact that I really won’t be going back to Oklahoma State will even set in until August rolls around and I’m living in an entirely different state doing entirely different things with entirely different people. So, this is just me¬†publicly¬†asking if everyone can stop asking me the ignorant & [already] age old question: “How do you feel!? How does it feel to have finally¬†graduated??” I can answer your question in a simple list.

It feels like:

  • Saying you’re going to get up early to go the gym still and not doing it.
  • Then telling yourself you didn’t need to because you napped a lot and–REALLY–you burn more calories when you sleep. Right? I’m sure there’s an article in Fitness¬†about it somewhere circa 1999.
  • Staying in your pajamas almost all day. Everyday.
  • Showering only when you really start to smell yourself and when you make the¬†conscientious¬†decision that washing your hands just isn’t enough anymore.
  • Realizing that you have no idea what you’re going to do with your life but laughing it off to people by saying things like, “Haha! Oh my gosh, I just knooooow something good is going to come along. I’m just being optimistic & patient!” Don’t lie. You’ve had to redo your nails three times this week because you’re what your mother calls “an anxious biter”.
  • Talking to your dogs like they actually understand and give a shit about how much you actually loathed Blue Valentine.
  • Waking up at 9am, deciding that’s too early, and sleeping until noon.
  • Watching too much basketball while eating too many Crystal Light popsicles (damn, those things are good).
  • Putting off projects (i.e. making the list of what you’re going to take on the “big move” and what you’re not going to take and then actually condensing/packing it all)
  • Getting all of your Thank You cards filled out and sent the day after graduation
  • You cutting yourself from all human interaction with people your age because you just don’t understand what you all will talk about now that you’re out of college and they’re still struggling to get through their gen. eds OR they’re not the people you spent the last four years with and, therefore, they don’t really understand your humor anymore (you aren’t 18 and unfunny anymore! Now you’re almost 23 and mildly funny! They don’t get that!).
  • Telling yourself you’re going to¬†diligently¬†keep a summer journal and only writing in it twice.
  • Getting your hopes up for jobs only to get the dreaded rejection email that says things like, “JUST KIDDING, GIRL. WE THOUGHT YOU WERE IDEAL UNTIL WE HEARD YOU SPEAK!”
  • Not talking to the same people you did almost every day and then realizing who your “real friends” are even though you’re still really not sure and oh my gosh, why can’t things just be like they were a mere three months ago when you didn’t actually have to face the realities of life?
  • A bad case of ennui.

Graduating and growing up and pretty life altering and difficult, and I realize that it’s supposed to be exactly that–a test of limits, a moving forwards, etc. etc. But, at this point, I’m really just biding my time and trying to spend enough time with my mom so that–when I move–she doesn’t cry as much as I know she’s going to. But it’s only been a week! I have to remember that and try to shower more often this week, because that was gross.

My final finals week and how dead week may have killed me.

This week is finals week! More specifically, this is my very last finals week that I’ll ever have to worry about ever (unless I decide to go to law/grad school one day, of course)! It’s such a bittersweet feeling. Like, “Score! After Friday, I won’t have to wake up early for a class I’m not terribly interested in or write papers about a bunch of dead guys and a piece of paper that may or may not have defined our legal/judicial system or cram for tests that may make/break my grades!” On the other hand, a big part of me keeps saying to myself, “Well, shit. I’m going to have to wake up early for a job that I may be unsure about and pay back mountains of loans that loom over me from undergrad and worry about real life issues!”

But that’s okay. Because that’s part of growing up, right? Right. I just have to keep reminding myself that I will be DONE with school and I’ve jumped over this huge hurdle in my life with pretty fantastically flying colors! My final finals week–I need to let that sink in.

I guess the one thing that really scares me about this whole “graduating” and moving on thing is the fact that I’m leaving behind some really great people.
and I don’t know I’ll see them again! A large part of me doesn’t understand why I can’t stuff them inside of my suitcase and have them live/experience everything with me for the rest of forever! Because they’re great and so supportive and fun, they like the same beers as me and when we go see Scre4m together, they laugh at all the same things as I do; they’re good people, basically and good people are the absolute hardest to find–once you come across them you should definitely keep them! Hopefully, we won’t lose all kinds of contact throughout the next couple of years.

Also, because this week is finals week, that means that last week was “dead week”. I can honestly say the one thing I will not miss about Oklahoma is its wind. I don’t know what the exact speed of the gusts were, but they were enough to almost knock me over and stir up all of the pollen in the air so that I was filled with sneezing, coughing, puffy/itchy eyes, & a scratchy throat. I’m pretty sure I went to bed every night before 11pm and slept for over 9 hours every night, which is mighty unheard of in the land of the collegiates. It’s started to let up a bit, but–knowing my luck–I’ll get sick the day of graduation and have to drag my ass across the stage to snatch my diploma.

So–overall, this week/weekend has consisted of:

  • Packing & lots of it
  • Attack of the killer allergies!
  • Mid-day beers with some great people and some beautiful weather
  • Movie nights
  • Pizza parties
  • Good friends I’m not ready to say goodbye to
  • Wrapping up classes
  • Finishing final study guides
  • Sweatpants

3 more finals and I’m out of here, you guys. Let the single digit countdown begin!